Signs of the Coming Apocalypse

Island Fever

Barack Obama defeats Hillary Clinton in the Democratic caucus on the Pacific island of Guam.

Why It's A Sign

1. Obama won by seven votes, each of which – in accordance with standard voting protocol – was sealed. Seven seals….hello? 2. Guam yields eight delegates, but each of them only gets half a vote. In other words, an army of eight satyrs, centaurs, or minotaurs is on the march.

What To Expect

Long-dormant Pacific volcano deity (and self-described “Obama Goddess”) Pele will celebrate the vote for Hawaiian-born Obama by unleashing a massive cloud of half-black, half-white ash to cover the world.

Why That's Great News

A permanent cloud canopy over the earth will bring a permanent end to global warming, skin cancer, and meteorologists.

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About the Book

Let’s face it: Our world’s gotta go sometime.

Whether it’s due to mushroom clouds, asteroids, a mad supergenius, Jesus, newly sentient iPods, or Pod People, everything about life on Earth is going to change.

And you should be psyched.

APOCALYPSE HOW is a comprehensive cataclysmic guide that walks you through the Nine Most Likely World-Ending Scenarios, and provides useful and inspiring advice on every aspect of surviving (and thriving!) in the new world to come. Covering everything from food, shelter, and relocation to social life, dating, recreation and career, APOCALYPSE HOW is the only book you’ll need – and just might be the last one left at all.

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