American Idolatry

Dreadlocked teen heartthrob contestant Jason Castro voted off "American Idol."

Why It's A Sign

Despite the worst efforts of U.S. Administration after Administration, democracy has actually unseated a Castro.

What To Expect

An enraged army of hormonally raging teenage girls to seize control of the planet. Use the bathroom a lot now, as you won't be able to set foot in one for the next nine years.

Why That's Great News

If you're the parent of one, no more messy power struggles -- as long as you obey your new curfew!

Read More Signs of the Coming Apocalypse