Swiss Miss

Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal trounces Switzerland’s Roger Federer in epic Wimbledon match.

Why It's A Sign

Enraged at its champions’ broken 65-game winning streak and dashed Wimbledon-record hopes, Switzerland officially renounces its neutrality.

What To Expect

Precisely timed global assaults by knife/corkscrew/toothpick, combined with chocolate embargo that places world’s females at mercy of African dictators, Hugo Chavez.

Why That's Great News

In the ensuing carnage, Switzerland forced to develop entirely new national stereotypes.

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