America’s #1 movie star: an adorable Disney robot
This is how they get us, people. First, they charm us into a story that life on Earth depends on them. Soon, we’re eating delightful-Wall*E-branded breakfast cereal (“two scoops of mind-control chips in every box!”). Before you know it, we’re all rounded up and being interrogated by the bouncy Pixar Lamp.
With the Disney-Robot takeover complete, the world is run from Orlando, Tomorrowland is renamed “Todayland,” and humanity is subjugated to the jerky, oddly bi-directional iron fists of the Animatronic Presidents.
Swift and merciful deaths for those in possession of FastPasses.
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