Date My Messiah

2,000-year-old date tree seed found and planted in Israel is thriving and expected to yield fruit by 2010.

Why It's A Sign

According to leading gastro-theologians, Jesus can only begin his 1,000-year battle with Antichrist after a good breakfast (the most important meal of history).

What To Expect

Over the next few years, the dates will be joined by the Oats of Antioch, the Almonds of Jordan, and Corn Syrup in the Highest (Fructose) for a convergence that shall one be known as “The Great Muesli-ing.”

Why That's Great News

Everyone will be so regular, the Four Horses of the Apocalypse will constantly be stopping to go.

Read More Signs of the Coming Apocalypse