Hamlette

As Barack Obama clinches the delegate count for the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton announces she "will not be making a decision tonight" on the race.

Why It's A Sign

We all know Clinton inspires tens of millions of American women. As the group who make the purchasing decisions for the wealthiest nation on Earth, they follow her lead -- and the global economy grinds to a halt.

What To Expect

Warehouses bulging with just about every product and sundry imaginable (with the exception of plasma-screen TVs and Slim-Jims). Mass looting, eventually slowed by mass hernias.

Why That's Great News

End to shopping lists slows deforestation. No more Hummer grocery trips reduces pollution. Explosion of shampoo warehouses leaves Earth silky and more manageable.

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