Fourth Quarter Burnings

Strapped by jet fuel costs, American Airlines announces it will now charge passengers $15 to check a bag.

Why It's A Sign

Turns out an airline *actually made a smart decision.* That slight disincentive on passenger weight lightens AA’s consumption, reducing global oil demand and sending prices plummeting.

What To Expect

Their livelihood threatened, oil multinationals and terrorist-sponsoring regimes merge their petro-evil into new, unstoppable conglomerates Exxon-Mobal-Qaeda and Chevzbollah.

Why That's Great News

Lefty campus groups, confused as to who to protest, turn on each other and go down in a cloud of gorp dust.

Read More Signs of the Coming Apocalypse