Oh-Oh-Oh-No-o

Boy band mogul Lou Pearlman (Backstreet Boys, ‘N Sync, O-Town) is sentenced to 25 years in prison for defrauding investors.

Why It's A Sign

Cut off from their dreams of stardom (and being bilked and molested), thousands of gorgeous young Orlando males turn to militant Islam.

What To Expect

“Uh yeah, Kennedy Airport? This is Homeland Security – we have an APB out on a hostile being described as ‘the cute one…’”

Why That's Great News

Reeling from deadly pop-star-terrorism, America orders all ‘momagers’ rounded up and forced at gunpoint to obtain lives of their own.

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