Children of the Wheat

Huge wheat crop expected, a 17% rise over 2007.

Why It's A Sign

Deluge of grainery overcomes low-carb diets, causing Hollywood stars to become overweight, and the world’s children, normal weight.

What To Expect

Excessive size means fewer stars can fit on camera. Shocking epidemic of out-of-work actors, well-fed children.

Why That's Great News

With Hollywood in decline/proper global nourishment, worldwide hate/love of America ends, settling on more worthy candidate: Uruguay.

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