Here Comes the Bride - There Goes the World

First Daughter Jenna Bush to wed Henry Hager in ceremony at Crawford ranch.

Why It's A Sign

A champagne toast will cause President Bush to start drinking again, prompting him to see twice as much terrorism and declare a second war on it.

What To Expect

Twice as many American flags burned worldwide -- hastening the Greenhouse Effect.

Why That's Great News

Melted polar ice caps will end the 'double cruelty' of Arctic dogsledding, penguin movies.

Read More Signs of the Coming Apocalypse